A Haunted House 2 - Review

Director: Michael Tiddes Writers: Marlon Wayans, Rick Alvarez Studios: Open Road Films, IM Global Octane, Wayans Bros. Entertainment, Baby Way Productions Cast: Marlon Wayans, Jaime Pressly, Essence Atkins, Gabriel Iglesias, Cedric the Entertainer Release Date (UK): 26 June, 2014 Certificate: 18 Runtime: 86 min

About halfway through “A Haunted House 2,” Marlon Wayans, writing in his notepad, ponders aloud to himself, with no irony whatsoever: “When are they gonna stop doing the Scary Movies without the Wayans? They fucking suck.” Having sat through “A Haunted House” and now “A Haunted House 2,” I have to ask Mr. Wayans, how is what you’re doing here any better? The unasked-for sequel to the found-footage horror spoof written by, produced by and starring Wayans, “A Haunted House 2” is just as depressingly puerile and sloppily put together as the first one, if not more so. The targets this time are as follows: “The Conjuring,” “Sinister,” “Paranormal Activity” (again), “The Possession,” “The Devil Inside” (again) and “Insidious,” though they have nothing to worry about; Wayans doesn’t miss his targets so much as slide the arrow up his ass while pulling a silly face and shrieking at the camera.

Watching Wayans’ performance is like watching someone suffer a mental breakdown: his relentless wailing and gurning is as sad as it is irritating, and the fact that he’s put himself front and centre in every single scene leads one to believe that this is some sort of horrifically twisted vanity project for him. Just wait till you get to the scene where he forces a wooden doll to eat out his asshole; it’s like staring into the fucking abyss. I mildly chuckled twice throughout the film: once when Wayans inflates his recently flattened pet dog and it blows down the street like a deflating balloon, the other when Wayans hits a live chicken over the head with a chair. That those are the comedy highlights should tell you a lot. If, at the end of 2014, this isn’t on my “worst films of the year” list, let it be known that I want “Rocket Man” by Elton John played at my funeral.

Rating: 2/10