Blended - Review

Director: Frank Coraci Writers: Clare Sera, Ivan Menchell Studios: Warner Bros. Pictures, Happy Madison, Gulfstream Pictures, Karz Entertainment Cast: Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, Bella Thorne, Emma Fuhrmann, Braxton Beckham, Alyvia Alyn Lind, Kyle Red Silverstein Release Date (UK): 23 May, 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 117 min

Another summer, another all-expenses-paid vacation for Mr. Adam Sandler. The paradisian locale this time round: the sun-soaked planes of South Africa, where ostriches can be ridden, where the animals roam free on safari, and where a paragliding Drew Barrymore can almost have her lady parts impaled by the horn of a passing rhinoceros. Yep, Sandler’s dragged Barrymore along with him, presumably in some desperate attempt to recall fond memories of their easy, funny chemistry in 1998’s “The Wedding Singer” -- y’know, back in that long, forgotten time when his films were still serviceable. Unfortunately, although some of that “Wedding Singer” spark still burns bright, new rom-com “Blended” falls straight in line with Sandler’s more recent crimes against cinema, and despite the title, I’m sorry to report that at no point does it feature Sandler being chucked into an oversized electric mixing machine.

Fittingly, the film opens with the image of a toilet: in the bathroom of a Hooters restaurant (ka-ching!), single mum Barrymore calls her babysitter to help pull the plug on her disastrous blind date by using the old emergency call trick; only, when she returns to single dad Sandler, he pulls the same trick first. Then, for reasons that are not at all contrived and completely convincing, Sandler and Barrymore -- get this, right -- end up going on the exact same trip to the exact same South African family resort at the exact same time -- awkward! For much of the rest of the film we’re treated with a lengthy tourist board advertisement for an African holiday, as both families gasp at the amazing wildlife, gaze at the gorgeous vistas and gawk at the mating CGI rhinos. All the while the bickering Sandler and Barrymore begin to romantically bond. Note: romantic bonding may or may not include them realising to their shock that they take their coffee the same way.

As usual, Sandler can’t resist giving his acting buddies some pointless cameos: Kevin Nealon plays a creepy dad with a boob-jiggling girlfriend, Jonathan Loughran pops up as a googly-eyed Little League umpire, and Allen Covert returns as 10-Second Tom from “50 First Dates” -- that classic character. Oh, and Shaq’s in it too, playing Sandler’s temperamental co-worker -- I swear, it’s his finest performance since “Kazaam.” Also as usual, there's a discomforting stench of racism and sexism hanging in the air, with gross stereotypes on frequent display: Terry Crews, for example, plays a happy, singing African entertainer who’s worryingly close to something out of a minstrel show. Even worse is Sandler’s *hilariously* menstruating teenage daughter Espn, named after the sports channel (ka-ching!), whose emotional arc essentially amounts to “get a smokin’ hot makeover so you’ll look socially acceptable and then you’ll be happy!” (conformism, yay!)

And the schmaltz -- my god, the schmaltz. It’s sickening: the film is covered in this treacly goo of icky sentimentality, which jars with its overwhelmingly juvenile, slapstick-heavy sense of humour. What this means is that when Sandler reveals to Barrymore that his wife sadly passed away from cancer (FEEL SORRY FOR HIM!), it’s almost immediately followed up by the grim sight of Barrymore puking up spicy food. Which, like the vast majority of the jokes on display, isn’t the slightest bit funny; the fact that said unfunny jokes are repeated ad nauseam throughout the film certainly doesn't help matters. That “Blended” isn’t as ball-achingly dreadful as “Jack and Jill” or “Grown Ups 2” is purely down to what survives of Sandler and Barrymore’s chemistry -- though more tolerable than both films, it’s just as plotless and just as perfunctory. I have no doubt it was a ton of fun to make for the cast and crew -- halfway through watching it, I wanted to stick my head in a blender.

Rating: 3/10

X-Men: Days of Future Past - Review

Director: Bryan Singer Writer: Simon Kinberg Studios: 20th Century Fox, Marvel Entertainment, Bad Hat Harry Productions, The Donners’ Company Cast: Hugh Jackman, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Peter Dinklage, Ellen Page, Nicholas Hoult Release Date (UK): May 22, 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 131 min

14 years after effectively jump-starting the ongoing superhero boom, and 11 years after giving the “X-Men” franchise its best entry with the pitch-perfect “X2,” director Bryan Singer returns to his world of super-powered mutants with “X-Men: Days of Future Past,” and in doing so, breathes new, ambitious life into the franchise’s lungs. As if the series’ scope wasn’t wide enough, Singer widens it even further, presenting us with a dark and bleak vision of the future: a nightmare world where surviving mutant rebels are exterminated like vermin by terrifying robot hunters called Sentinels -- not only does this lend the film an epic scale, it also gives it a really neat sci-fi edge, with unstoppable killer cyborgs and a grimly scary dystopia straight out of James Cameron’s “Terminator” movies. But this dystopia is not the film’s main setting, because also like in “The Terminator,” there’s a time travel plot, as Hugh Jackman’s older Wolverine, now sporting silver streaks which jut out from his temples like the claws from his knuckles, is sent back to his younger body of 1973: united with the characters from “X-Men: First Class,” Wolverine leads a mission to change the course of history and put an end to the genocidal war on mutants before it even begins.

The groovily fashioned ‘70s setting essentially makes “Days of Future Past” a continuation of Matthew Vaughn’s stylish, ‘60s-set prequel “X-Men: First Class,” continuing the stories of the young mind-reader Professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy), metal manipulator Erik Lensherr (Michael Fassbender) and shapeshifter Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence). Worries that Wolverine was once again hogging the spotlight (exacerbated by the fact that in the comic book source material it’s Ellen Page’s Kitty Pryde who goes back in time, not ol’ metal claws) are proven to be of the knee-jerk variety: the film is absolutely an ensemble piece, with Xavier, Erik and Mystique (once again all played to utter perfection by McAvoy, Fassbender and Lawrence) as the main players, and Wolverine, along with Nicholas Hoult’s blue furred Beast, sort of tagging along for the ride. Oh, and not forgetting Evan Peters’ super-speedy teen Quicksilver, whose jail-break set-piece, where he effortlessly springs Magneto from a maximum-security prison, is a dazzling and funny highlight -- I guess first appearances aren’t everything.

As he did in his first two “X-Men” movies, Singer does a terrific job in balancing out the spectacular, energetic action with resonant character development: McAvoy’s arc is particularly moving, as a troubled Xavier must learn to give up the use of his legs and regain his telepathic powers, both for his own good and the good of mutantkind. All the while Singer gracefully keeps the film from feeling crushed under the sheer weight of its ambitious scale and overload of mutant characters: despite the epic scale, Singer keeps the spectacle firmly grounded in the emotions of his protagonists. The end result is both a hugely enjoyable summer blockbuster and a thoroughly satisfying franchise entry, impressively topping the excellent “First Class,” if not quite knocking “X2” off its almighty perch. Of course, attempting to work out all the ins and outs of the intricate time travel plot will surely turn your brain to scrambled eggs, but one thing’s for sure: it rather brilliantly renders the franchise’s more rubbish entries, i.e. “X-Men: The Last Stand” and “X-Men Origins: Wolverine,” entirely null and void. For that we can be eternally grateful.

Rating: 8/10

Godzilla - Review

Director: Gareth Edwards Writer: Max Borenstein Cast: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Ken Watanabe, Elizabeth Olsen, Juliette Binoche, Sally Hawkins, David Strathairn, Bryan Cranston Studios: Warner Bros. Pictures, Legendary Pictures Release Date (UK): May 15 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 123 min

Hey, high-up nuclear science men and women of the world, could you do us all a big favour? If you’re building a brand new, fully functioning nuclear power plant, or dumping a shit-ton of radioactive waste far out in the desert somewhere, could you please make sure that there’s not a giant, radiation-absorbent mega-monster buried in the ground directly below? Y’know, just in case. Cos if the real-life results of that are anything like they are in the new “Godzilla” movie, and those radioactive beasts rise from the depths to stomp mankind out of existence, we’d be in for what can only be described as a fuck-load of truly catastrophic, nay world-ending death and destruction. On the bright side, however, we would be treated with some seriously gorgeous monster vs. monster action to look at from the mounting rubble below. Silver linings and all that.

Oh, and blockbuster filmmakers, could you do us all a big favour too? Could you take a look at what British director Gareth Edwards has done with “Godzilla” and see how it’s really done? Cos in a world where blockbusters have a tendency to be nothing but non-stop monotonous CGI action and explosions, Edwards’ film is a Godzilla-sized breath of fresh air. Here we have a blockbuster that takes its time, that doesn’t reveal its tricks all at once but instead gives them a steadily patient build-up to a roaringly spectacular finale. And here he have a “Godzilla” movie that’s not necessarily about Godzilla himself — here a stunningly rendered CG creation rather than a man in a rubber suit — but rather about human beings reacting to a never-before-seen global crisis (and their utter helplessness in the face of that crisis). In making “Godzilla,” Edwards hasn’t just brought cinema’s greatest kaiju back to the big-screen, he’s also brought a real sense of wonder, awe and anticipation back to the summer blockbuster. And he’s done this by always looking up at the monsters from the perspective of the people down below.

Of course, anyone who saw Edwards’ debut, the shoestring-budgeted 2010 sci-fi “Monsters,” shouldn’t be surprised by this: “Monsters” kept its focus almost entirely on the two human protagonists, a photojournalist and the tourist he travels through an alien-infected quarantine zone with, while keeping the titular creatures lurking in the background. “Godzilla” is much the same, with the protagonists this time Bryan Cranston’s Joe Brody, an emotionally tortured nuclear physicist who watched his wife (Juliette Binoche) die in what the Japanese government claimed was a natural disaster, and Joe’s estranged son Ford (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), a young army man who’s just come home to his loving wife (Elizabeth Olsen) and son. As Joe and Ford become embroiled in a conspiracy involving the re-emergence of prehistoric behemoths, we are presented with glimpses of the gargantuan freaks of nature; glimpses which are brief but nourishingly intriguing.

This is not to say that anyone going into “Godzilla” with expectations of proper, full-on monster action will feel shortchanged: there’s plenty of “disaster porn” carnage featuring the big lizard himself (and big he is, standing at a mighty 350 ft), as well as a pair of “MUTOs,” ferocious, insectoid beasties which eat atom bombs for breakfast — literally (I’m not kidding, they actually pick up armed atom bombs and eat them like they were a radioactive cheerio). But like Spielberg when he made “Jaws,” Edwards understands the power of the slow reveal, and it’s this which makes the properly spectacular San Fran-set climax, where we finally get to see the monsters going at each other, really feel special: that the monsters haven’t already been needlessly over-exposed makes that final brawl all the more rewarding, breathtaking and jaw-slackening. I’ll also note that this grand finale features no less than seven (7!) instances 100% guaranteed to induce spasms of geeky ecstasy: not to spoil anything, but when I saw a certain monster’s tail start to light up, my eyes didst bulge from their sockets.

All the while, Edwards grounds the massive-scale monster action by shooting it from the perspective of the human characters, who, like us sitting in our cinema seats, look up at the towering and clashing super-beasts with an equal mixture of awe and terror. That is, after all, all they can do: Edwards' ultimate point in “Godzilla” is that nature is out of our control, and that sometimes all we can do is stand and watch; sometimes, as Ken Watanabe's monster-expert scientist says, you just have to “let them fight.” I’d loudly proclaim Edwards’ film to be the best King of the Monsters outing since the 1954 original, but frankly, that isn’t saying much: the vast majority of the original’s sequels are cheesy, if not unenjoyable, slug-fests and Roland Emmerich’s infamous 1998 redo (“That’s a lotta fish!”) was a steaming Godzilla turd. But I’ll say this: for its sense of humanity, its graceful beauty and its ability to stun, it gives the ‘54 original a run for its yen, and with an uncommonly firm understanding of pacing and momentum, it’s one of the sturdiest and most satisfying blockbusters in recent memory.

Rating: 9/10

Sabotage - Review

Director: David Ayer Writers: David Ayer, Skip Woods Studios: Open Road Films, Albert S. Ruddy Productions, Crave Films, QED International Roth Films Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Worthington, Olivia Williams, Terrence Howard, Joe Manganiello, Harold Perrineau, Martin Donovan, Max Martini, Josh Holloway, Mireille Enos Release Date (UK): 7 May 2014 Certificate: 15 Runtime: 109 min

Following up his first directorial stab, the grippingly authentic 2012 cop drama “End of Watch,” screenwriter-turned-director David Ayer continues his career-lasting obsession with American law enforcers. In “Sabotage,” he turns his eye to a crack DEA task force fighting Mexican drug cartels, only this bunch wouldn’t look out of place on the other side of the US war on drugs. Led by Arnold Schwarzenegger’s grizzled cigar-chomper John “Breacher” Wharthon, they’re all tattoos, cornrows and beaded goatees, and they live up to their dodgy looks — while raiding a cartel warehouse, they secretly thieve $10 million from the stash in the basement and blow up the rest to cover their tracks. Sounds like a solid plan, only the money goes missing, they’re found out by their superiors and soon enough they’re being hunted down one by one in variously nasty ways.

As it was in “End of Watch,” Ayer’s vision of American policing is admirably grim and gruesome — struck by a speeding train, a grown man is reduced to a pile of meat, another is nailed to a ceiling, and recalling the kidnapping of his late wife, Arnie angrily barks, “They sent me her face in the mail!” But anyone going into “Sabotage” expecting the same level of authenticity or intensity of Ayer’s debut is sure to be let down by the lunkheadedness of the script and the emptiness of the drama — despite the sky-high body count and hefty funeral costs, the film lurches through its plot with nary an emotion on display. And anyone hoping for some brainless action based on the presence of Arnie is also in for disappointment: on the excitement front there’s a raid scene at the beginning, a car chase/shootout at the end and precious little in between. As for the Governator himself, he’s handed a grimly tragic backstory, yet his facial expressions rarely change from T-800 blankness and constipated straining — though as ever, he sure does look mighty fine with a cigar between his gnashers.

Rating: 4/10

Bad Neighbours - Review

Director: Nicholas Stoller Writers: Andrew J. Cohen, Brendan O’Brien Studios: Universal Pictures, Point Grey Pictures, Good Universe Cast: Seth Rogen, Zac Efron, Rose Byrne, Dave Franco, Christopher Mintz-Plasse Release Date (UK): 2 May 2014 Certificate: 15 Runtime: 97 min

“Bad Neighbours,” the new comedy starring Seth Rogen and Zac Efron, is not a film for those with a weak stomach with regards to the safety of small children. Throughout the film, the adorable newborn tot of Rogen and Aussie wife Rose Byrne is placed in various positions of danger: she’s left alone in the house while mummy and daddy are out partying next door, is very nearly taken to a rave party, and while playing in the front garden, almost chokes on a discarded condom. All of which sounds like despicably reckless behaviour on the part of mummy and daddy, and yet it’s to the credit of Rogen and Byrne’s performances that we kinda, sorta let them get away with all this: so irresistibly charming are they in their roles, and so utterly believable are they as loving but inexperienced parents, that we can’t help but love them. Besides, the safety of their child is never totally forgotten: when partying, Byrne rather hilariously has a baby monitor pressed against her ear, and upon discovering their offspring has swallowed said contraceptive, they do run to the emergency room, screaming their heads off.

Oh, and the film is very funny, wringing a ton of laughs from its central premise: excited but exhausted new parents Mac and Kelly have their suburban comfort disturbed when a college fraternity sets up camp next door. Leading the fraternity is a perfectly cast Efron, who makes a change of pace from smoldering, topless hero to smackable, topless villain, and pulls off the obnoxious frat-boy role with aplomb. As the fraternity throw wild parties and a sleep-deprived Rogen and Byrne fight back, the film gets a lot of laughs out of the ensuing, quickly escalating neighbourly war — I’d seen the airbag-in-the-office-chair gag in the trailer, saw it coming a mile off and still I cackled. And the script is clever to show both sides of the story: we’re generally supposed to be on the side of Rogen and Byrne, but the script smartly allows us to sympathise with Efron, who’s shown to be a rather tragic figure, scared of the future, as seen in the supposedly old and boring couple next door, and forever stuck in party-hard mode.

The film is Rogen’s first since the all-star apocalyptic comedy “This is the End,” which he wrote and directed with regular collaborator Evan Goldberg (who produces with Rogen while Nicholas Stoller directs). With it, “Bad Neighbours” shares an improvisational style — listening to the dialogue, you get the sense that there was a lot of ad-libbing on-set — and a juvenile sense of humour — did I mention the condom-gobbling toddler? But “Bad Neighbours” is a better film than “This is the End,” free from the latter’s rather off-putting self-indulgence — though undeniably funny, “This is the End” did feel like a great big circle jerk for the Apatow crew. But most of all, it boasts the warm, funny charm between Rogen and Byrne, whom we love as a couple, as parents and as aging teens, even if they are prone to casual drug use and child endangerment.

Rating: 8/10

Blue Ruin - Review

Director: Jeremy Saulnier Writer: Jeremy Saulnier Cast: Macon Blair, Devin Ratray, Amy Hargreaves, Kevin Kolack, Eve Plump, David W. Thompson, Brent Werzner Release Date (UK): 2 May 2014 Certificate: 15 Runtime: 90 min

Hollywoodified glorification and glamourisation of violence and murder get a thorough gutting in “Blue Ruin,” Jeremy Saulnier’s spellbindingly disciplined, stripped-down indie thriller which paints its grisly revenge story in a grimly authentic and blood-soaked light. Set in the American South, the film — which was crowd-funded through a Kickstarter campaign and bagged the FIPRESCI Prize, as voted for by critics, at last year’s Cannes Film Festival — follows Dwight (Macon Blair), a raggedy, homeless outsider whose quiet life as a drifter is turned upside down when the killer of his parents is set free from jail. Travelling to Virginia in a rusted, curiously bullet-riddled Pontiac — the eponymous blue ruin — Dwight embarks on a mission of revenge, a mission which brings him back to his estranged sister (Amy Hargreaves), whom he must protect when the ex-con’s family come gunning for some payback.

Saulnier’s second film, following his little-seen 2007 horror comedy “Murder Party,” is astonishingly grounded. This isn’t the kind of thriller where the hero can take an arrow to the knee and simply walk it off; indeed, soon after receiving said injury, an increasingly woozy Dwight tries in vain to mend his bleeding wound, realises he’s completely unfit to do so, stumbles his way to the hospital and collapses at the reception. The film feels like a response, or perhaps a kick up the backside, to fakey Hollywood violence, where savagery is treated flippantly and often shown to have little consequence; Saulnier goes to great lengths to make the violence of “Blue Ruin” feel unnervingly real, subverting cliche to achieve a fresh and frightening authenticity. The resulting drama is breathtakingly intense, with scenes so dripping with suspense they’ll have you cramming your fist into your mouth to stop you from squealing.

Blair, meanwhile, captivates as the amateur but endearingly determined avenger Dwight: he’s a rather pathetic figure, seen in the film’s opening sleeping in his car, eating out of dumpsters and urinating into glass jars, but it’s to the credit of Blair’s subtly layered performance that not only does he gain our sympathy but also that we’re absolutely with him right to the bitter end. As Dwight finds himself slap-bang in the middle of a blood-drenched nightmare, Blair inhabits all the fears that must come with suffering and committing acts of horrific violence: fear of death, fear of failure and fear for the safety of one’s loved ones. Dwight is especially concerned about that last point, and who can blame him: as he’s quick to discover, violence only begets more violence, and as we see throughout the chilling “Blue Ruin,” one swing of a blade can spiral terrifyingly out of control.

Rating: 9/10