“Pompeii” is like Paul W.S. Anderson decided to remake “Titanic,” but with the iceberg replaced with a volcano, and Jack and Rose replaced with those floating pieces of furniture they used to cling to safety. Though its setting is ancient Rome, the story is more or less the same as James Cameron’s historical disaster romance: in the famously doomed city of Pompeii, a ruggedly handsome slave-turned-gladiator (Kit Harrington, much better as Jon Snow in “Game of Thrones”) and the beautiful daughter of a rich businessman (Emily Browning) fall in love; this, in spite of their scandalous class difference and the latter’s forced engagement to the wicked and corrupt Senator Corvus (Kiefer Sutherland), who sniffs out their romance and is determined to put an end to it. But little do they know that a dire fate awaits them and the rest of Pompeii, as foretold by the towering Mount Vesuvius grumbling ominously in the background, a warning the citizens laugh off as nothing. The fools!
There’s lots of that kind of nudge-nudge, wink-wink foreshadowing throughout “Pompeii,” as if the film is teasing us that more exciting events are to come. And indeed, once Vesuvius finally blows its fiery load, there’s plenty of apocalyptic destruction on display, with raging fireballs descending onto the city and a thick fog of ash and smoke rampaging through the streets. But the journey to that grand, Emmerichian spectacle is quite the slog, with the story playing out like a boringly typical — albeit drably romantic — swords and sandals flick, and Harrington and Browning sharing all the passion and chemistry of two mating chairs. At least we can be thankful that the good Mr. Anderson opted out of making his film the same epic, three-hour length of Cameron’s blockbuster: if he hadn’t, we surely would’ve all crumbled into a pile of ashes before the volcano had even erupted.
Rating: 4/10
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