“Grown Ups 2,” the latest insult from Happy Madison Productions, aka Adam Sandler’s House of Pain, is a film so bad even Rob Schneider said no. The unasked-for sequel to the laziest film of 2010, it sees Sandler, Kevin James, David Spade and Chris Rock returning for more perfunctory hijinks and overinflated pay cheques, joined again by their gorgeous wives, their bratty little kids and of course Sandler’s various “SNL” buddies, all of whom are given meaningless extended cameos because fuck it, why not?
Instantly self-indulgent, it opens as Sandler wakes up next to Salma Hayek. He wishes. Sandler turns and, to his shock, discovers that a computer-generated deer has gained access to he and his wife’s bedroom and is staring him in the face. Sandler quietly prods the slumbering Hayek, who awakens, sees the computer-generated deer standing by their bed and shrieks in terror. The computer-generated deer, startled, stands on its two hind legs and proceeds to urinate directly into Sandler’s mouth. That the film gets continually worse from here is nothing short of extraordinary, but it does, as the initial taste of fresh deer piss is soon washed away with a pungent blend of vomit and fart.
The non-existent plot follows Sandler and co as they wander around town for no apparent reason. Crazy antics ensue, which unfold as follows: 1) A trip to Walmart; 2) Kevin James burping, sneezing and farting at the same time; 3) The group excitedly ogling the large-breasted teacher of Sandler’s daughter at the school dance recital; 4) The group being forced to dive off a cliff whilst nude; 5) David Spade rolling around in a giant monster truck tyre; 6) David Spade projectile vomiting after rolling around in a giant monster truck tyre; 7) Kevin James burping, sneezing and farting at the same time, again; 8) Poopy ice cream; 9) Something about a gay car wash; 10) Me banging my head against the wall trying to make it end. They also get into a series of spats with a gang of local frat boys led by a career-best Taylor Lautner, which leads to an inexplicably cartoonish punch-up at an ‘80s-themed house party where Sandler is dressed as Bruce Springsteen and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin is dressed as The Terminator and oh my god I’m losing the will to live.
The film’s sole funny moment comes when Sandler regular Nick Swardson, playing a schizophrenic school bus driver (don’t ask), innocently pulls on the string of a boxed-up inflatable raft and is launched back a good 15ft when it explodes open in his face. I wanted to laugh, but by this point in the runtime — I’d say 20-25 minutes in — the film had already defeated me: my heart had sank, my head was throbbing and my spirit was crushed, and I’d been left bitter, humourless and begging not just for the end credits but also for the end of all humanity — hardly the qualities of a supposedly breezy summer comedy, but hey, that’s Adam Sandler for you. If there’s a worse film to be released this year, shoot me now — I don’t want to know about it.
Rating: 1/10
No comments:
Post a Comment